Oct.3, 1992 Dear Siri Singh Sahib ji, Sat Nam. In God I dwell and in His Love I write these words.
I pray to become unblocked in my Destiny. Answers unquestioned were challenged when I had a palm/tarot reading from Anita Sands at Ranbir Singh’s house June 5th.
My Tarot reading 1. Venus, Goddess card 2. Card denoting Purity 3. Card denoting Strength 4. An upside-down juggler (too many projects going on?) 5. Card denoting someone close who denies my spirituality (Adam) 6. Devil card - (Transmute! Dhan Dhan Ram Das Gur) 7. A radiant child wielding a double-edged sword—do I give birth to a saint, great leader? Is my daughter’s potential realized? Adam’s work-child potential? 8. Outcome card – Many gifts laid out before me, all my wishes fulfilled.
There may also have been a card, or it was seen in my hand, showing that my daughter and I have a close relationship. Anita says my daughter is meant to live with me and needs me even more now. That I should sue for custody. Adam sent her home ten days early this summer when she tested our trust by sneaking out one night—shock treatment to teach her a lesson.
Anita says the birth of a saintly child will open Adam’s heart and he will “see”. But Adam has always told me (especially during PMS!) that he does not want to have any children with me, ever. Anita claims my husband must be very cruel to not want me to have children, having lost custody of my only child. She says until I have another child I will be in agony. This I feel whenever Adam says “never”.
She saw only normal ups and downs in our marriage. But she also saw three marriages in my palm.
Soon after Anita Sand’s reading I began a daily Paath (recitation) of chanting eleven So Purakh’s for Adam and thirty-one minutes of Dhan Dhan Ram Das Gur to transmute the demon, open Adam’s heart to a child, return my daughter to the Khalsa, and fulfillment of God’s Will.
Outcomes so far: My daughter has been deeply alienated from me, Adam has begun sleeping in a separate room and we are questioning our marriage. I continue to do So Purakh and Guru Ram Das Paath.
I love my home, job (child care), environments, friends, neighbors, and involvement in the Sikh community here. Being married to Adam makes all this possible and impossible.
Please, Bhai Sahib Siri Singh Sahib ji, holder of Guru’s Key, please unlock the doors to my understanding.
What does the Devil denote? Will I give birth to a saint? Will it be Adam’s child, or will I remarry?
I await your wise reply.
All Love in Divine, Humbly, Guruprem Kaur
These poems describe what I am going through:
LOCKED OUT
The sky is hard on my forehead It presses too on my heart. I breathe in a small space Locked out.. That man is supposed to be my husband! What good is a man with half a soul? To me cold inside, cool without. My soul presses against my heart, “Speak out!” “Be bold!” “Make a joke that it’s so cold!” the Louse. So Purakh? He does not shine on me. What sun creates its own shade? Shining not equally on all? Moon in earthly darkness. How can I stand it? The Ass. So Purakh….
MISS AIM
God he is mean to me! Excluding me from his inner life, our life. Pain—conversations bang Into subconscious traps. Purposeful misunderstanding! How can I grow O Sun! In shadows? My head is held high in Gurbani Gazing down, grieving, To the murky stage of thoughtless action And contraction. We both want to abandon such pain, But not necessarily each other! That is where we mis-aim And wound one another Again and again and again and again Sincerely Over projecting Or negating Forgetting, Without cozy nothing is Holy.
GOD'S LIGHT, THE CHILD'S SOUL
A baby How will it come? Through prophesy? That is not enough! All the conditions must be right, The stage set— Two bodies and one soul. God’s Light, The child’s soul Hovers over me Waiting, Commanding, “O Goddess! Make it right! Respond to that man As Guru Gobind Singh And he shall be My father!”
ADI SHAKTI
Adi Shakti, Primal Power Beauty of God Joyfully dispelling illusion Forlorn in earth’s duality. Congratulate her on both! Such intensity! And power! Shocking display! She loves the play, She loves the command. It is Creative, Deathless, Fearless Energy.
GURU GADDI DAY
Guru Gaddi Day My heart, my soul reside On the seat of my Master. Harmony Timelessness Acceptance Divine Radiance! You lead We merge! Guru Gaddi Guru.
OF GURU RAMS DAS, A WISH
Guru Ram Das I have offered my wish Unto a calm sea of devotion, Swept away by faith and longing Lost to the depths. I seek your blessing upon the shore, Waves crash, Driven by a distant storm That I deny. In lonely fear I wait, No hand to hold against the sudden tide. Is it I or the life I love That is being swept away? Gone! Alone, clinging to a wish, I pray, By thy Grace, To be re-united in Thy Love
ABOVE CIRCUMSTANCE
The Guru has spoken All is well Above circumstance In His Name I dwell Wahe Guru! What will be Is Timeless space defined Now.
Guru surrounds me, Still Maya pretends to guide me Great suggestions Mirage solutions Camouflaged pits! I fly beyond Effortlessly Joyfulness all around me Singing God’s Praises Wahe Guru!
The Siri Singh Sahib answered my letter by giving me the task of taking eleven Hukams in eleven days and writing down my interpretations. I completed this eleven-day odyssey on November 29, 1992.
Eleven Hukams in eleven days, in the eleventh month and the sum of “eleven” in the day and year—imbued with the Siri Guru Granth Sahib, represented by the number eleven. And Adam and I feel in love.
HUKAM REALIZATIONS
He does not perceive my essence Only he enjoys it Through my conscious, silent service To his Destiny.
You soar In your own wings sound Above with All Yet denying all. In yourself, perceiving, You see the gap But not there.
When will you soar with me? The wind currents of sound Guru’s breeze All judgment, denial, drop— Soar free! Let me be free As God for me.
