An arranged marriage during in the eighties and nineties subjected me to great negation as a woman and mother, putting me through a sieve of zeros. In the midst of this suppression, a timeless love going back livetimes freed my spirit to travel etheric pathways to the formless Guru and undying love for the Divine.
Formless Guru
“I sit at the edge of a chasm Yogiji’s lap! A precipice before the sudden void. Formless Guru— No arms to hold me, No breast to nurse. In sorrow, forsaken—How to merge? Embrace the Sound! Drink the Amrit! Sweet Gurbani, Be me!”
This poem expresses the despair I felt on first journeying to the upper world of spirit guides where my spiritual teacher, Yogi Bhajan refused to show himself to me. At first I was angry and then, in resignation, I curled into a fetal position only to find myself nursing as an infant at the breast of the Cosmic Mother. Suddenly male energy poured over her left shoulder--What is that doing here? I wondered. I heard Yogiji say, "Oh, so you want a female spiritual teacher!" I blurted out, "No, I want both --I want nothing!" and found myself sitting on Yogiji's lap facing a vast cosmic void.
After the shaman workshop I attended an evening Gurdwara. On entering the sacred space and hearing Guru's sublime songs filling the air, my tears of sadness turned into tears of joy. Yogiji had given me to the formless Guru...sound, the Word.
Rakhi Bhai
Beloved brother, friend Dispeller of darkness, illusion God fills our sacred bond With Golden Light Divine! I love thee As I love the flow of Destiny Sweeping past my Fate Sweeping My innermost longing and dreams Beyond the stars Beyond our love To the Beloved One Unseen.
I soon discovered that the shaman who had taught the shamanic workshop was a brother in a past incarnation that had bravely saved my life. This clear realization let loose a huge release of psychic energy and profound love, breaking all established boundaries of human understanding. This flood of energy gave way to many more awakenings, as found in other poetry from the 1990's.
I refer to my shaman teacher as my Rakhi Bhai--Rakhi/protector, Bhai/Brother. It is an ancient Indian custom of encouraging a loving sister-brother bond between two people of the opposite sex, where the man is the protector, providing etheric protection in this case, and the woman prays for his safety and wellbeing when he goes out in the world or into battle.
All To God
My being is rushing Past, present and future Merging at Destiny’s Gate. Open! From Thee to me to Thee! Every atom vibrating every cell In gratitude and awe. It must be! All to God! All to God! All to God! Nothing less can contain Nothing else can free me... Immersion Dispersion Infinity
The Miracle
Thank you God for this miracle! In my darkness a miracle of Light and Wonder! In my contraction a miracle of Love, Expansion! From my cage I see no bars. The cage thinks it exists, not I! It is a miracle that this miracle can be! Unseen by those who claim to contain me, So beyond, No earthly challenge can frame me. My soul is Love. God’s beautiful, sacred Soul Is me!
Any Addiction Shun
It's like a drug. You think you are finally off it, You tell kids to get their act together- Don't get stuck in it too! But it is still in your blood, It's in your blood, And a hit feels sooo good. And then someone just gives it to you, And you can't turn it away. It's already part of you. But when they stop giving And you are cut off, The withdrawal, Just the thought Is pain. And your craving goes as deep as your core. And you are nothing Without MORE. And with more You are more of NOTHING. God, for God's sake, Don't get stuck in it- Shun any addiction, Any addiction shun. Shun any addiction, Any addiction shun. Shun any addiction, Any addiction shun. Be addicted Be addicted Be addicted only To your core.
I sent this
poem to my daughter and received a strong response--"How do you know
anything about addiction? You've never been addicted to anything!"
It is true. I have never been addicted to any thing. My addiction was
an obsession with the huge gratifying energies of a powerful past life
relationship etherically realized and connected at the same time with
the soul of a living being on this earthly plane--where we did not fit
any norm of society except through Rakhi Bandan--tying the knot of
brother and sister.
When I whispered to Yogi Bhajan that I had
a Rakhi Bhai, seeking his approval for something so sacred, he
surprised me by saying, "Yes, I know. Be careful!"
I did not
understand the urgency of his warning until months later when the flow
of past life energies pouring into this lifetime became twisted in
self-gratification, as described in the poem "Any Addiction Shun."
I
am profoundly grateful for the experience. Ours is a timeless love that
freed my spirit to travel etheric pathways to the formless Guru,
whereby the obsession was transmuted into undying love for the Divine.
At this time in my life Guru gave me the Golden Temple Meditation,
eleven years before my first earthly visit to the Golden Temple.
