Our marriage did not come about easily.
When Rooh Singh asked Yogiji for a job in the sangat so he could provide for
his children in America, Yogiji said he had to get married first, only Rooh
Singh argued he did not want or need to be married.
He complained that I am
older than he is. Rooh Singh even brought up how they burn effigies of old women in his
homeland. Yogiji and I joked about it, and it appeared to me that Yogiji was
working on deeper levels to alleviate his inner anger and cultural biases, even
laughing that my fiancee was all earth and I am all ether. In the end Yogiji madethis
beautiful Sikh say "I will marry you" three times and I promised to love and serve him.
Rooh Singh wanted to get married right
away by a probate judge so he could begin working here legally. I wished to
postpone our marriage to have a Sikh ceremony as well as to improve our yogic
numerology. It was the year 2000 plus it was February, the second month.
Two represents the longing to belong, either to earthly values or, beyond
appearances, to the Unseen, to the Divine--and here our longings differed.
I finally agreed to a February wedding
with a kindly probate judge in his home and three friends as witnesses. We celebrated with orange juice instead champagne.
Our marriage took place on the
29th--another big concession for me, because the 29th of February comes around
only once every four years. The judge recorded the date as February 28th so that we would have a day to commemorate. I chose
the 29th because 29 adds up to 11, which represents mastery--a great quality to
long for in business and our personal lives.
We laid out a perfect business plan for
sharing Yogiji's teachings with the world on the floor of our honeymoon
cottage.
A few months into the marriage I wrote
Yogiji asking for his blessing for us to have a Karaj Anand, a Sikh wedding
ceremony, to sanctify our marriage.
Guruprem Kaur Khalsa on 5/07/2000
To: Yogi Bhajan
Subject: Karaj Anand
Dear Siri Singh Sahib ji,
Beloved Father and guide, it is a blessing to be able to write to
you.
Rooh Singh and I were gracefully married by a Probate Judge on
February 29th with three mutual friends present as witnesses. The judge is good
and kindly, and performed the ceremony like a holy man.
At the time, Rooh Singh said that I could choose the date for a
Sikh wedding this summer when his children would be with us. Last week I
proposed August 6th, a time when my daughter could also come.
Rooh Singh now says that our civil ceremony is all that was
needed. In many ways this is true. But I would love to bow before and walk
around the Guru with him, with the loving support and bliss of the Sadh Sangat.
It would be a wonderful blessing for us.
Please share the reality of what is and shall be.
With all love and belonging in Divine,
S. S. Guruprem Kaur Khalsa
Yogiji's reply was heartening to me, but
not to my husband. I felt it deepen the gulf between us, adding to my sadness.
From:Yogi Bhajan
To: Guruprem Kaur
Sent: Tuesday, May 16, 2000 5:05
Subject: Re: Karaj Anand
A Solstice marriage is always good. Either date is fine. I send
you prayers and blessings. May God and Guru continue to guide you.
Humbly yours,
Yogi Bhajan
Four months later I wearily wrote
Yogiji back with a more down to earth assessment of our married life:
Guruprem Kaur Khalsa on 06/28/2000
07:24:27 PM
To:
Yogi Bhajan
Subject:
Rooh Singh and Guruprem Kaur Update
Dear
Siri Singh Sahib ji,
I received your letters of
blessings for our Sikh Wedding. Thank you for your many kindnesses. Here is an
update on our marriage:
Rooh
Singh has changed his mind and does not want a Sikh Wedding at this time. He
jokes that he is allergic to weddings. He does not attend Gurdwaras where a
wedding is taking place.
Rooh Singh does not want to
relate to Sikh Dharma, Gurdwara, do Kundalini Yoga, or attend sadhana. He says
that they are all boring. He also tells his children and me that The Song of
the Khalsa is fascist.
Despite
these feelings, he strongly believes that it is his mission to get your
teachings out to the world, as we are doing through emailing synopses of your
ongoing public classes. Also he insists that his children tie turbans before
leaving the home. And he is the most efficient worker at his office, as many
will attest to.
At
our meeting you said that you would put Rooh Singh on a stake if he ever
mistreated me. He has had at least three major outbursts where he behaved as
abusively as all my ex-husbands at once. He is provoked by bill-sharing issues,
by any mis-attention of mine to household hygiene and my selfishness, in his
eyes, rather than my caring for his children--whom I love dearly. He is
provoked if I slightly imply that his violent overkill could get him into
trouble with the law.
My
agreement with Guruji from the beginning has been that any relationship I have
with Rooh Singh is to be forever, or nothing. Our forever is approaching a
state of nothingness. Rooh Singh is acting as though he is ready and willing to
lose everything.
With
the help of his workplace and my brother-in-law trying to find Rooh Singh a
sponsor for his immigrancy, we are scrambling for him to have a work permit by
the end of July, when he will otherwise lose his chance of a stable work
position in the community. As communications are slow, this is tenuous and must
be a source of great strain and hopelessness for Rooh Singh.
Guru
is with me as I watch this show. Outwardly and with the displacement of my
belongings, Rooh Singh has made me a second-class citizen in our home.
Inwardly, Guru blesses me with beauty and peace.
All
Blessings, body, mind and soul, in Divine,
Sat
Nam Wahe Guru!
Guruprem
Kaur
Yogiji's reply to my letter resounded with my soul.
He knew I was being tested to the core and that all was for the best:
From:Yogi Bhajan
To: Guru Prem Kaur
Sent: Thursday, July 06, 2000 3:36 PM
Subject: Re: Rooh Singh and Guruprem
Kaur Update
Sat Nam. Guru Ram Das is your true sustainer. Keep up and God will
keep you up. I am watching. My prayers and blessings are with you. Achieve, and
conquer all negativity through your positive mind and faith in God. Let Him
work for you.