Following one of Rooh
Singh's hurtful outbursts, he gave me a gift card of apology, a Tweetie bird
with its oversized head and big feet and wings, like hands, tucked behind his
back saying, "I'm Sowwy..." The card
sweetly opened to, "May I plweeze be excused?" Rooh signed it with a few
words of his own that left me hanging, "I would like to talk about our
future."
Did he mean our future
together, or our future apart?
Rooh Singh's
parallel charismatic and veangeful personalities began to wear on me. One
minute I would feel joyfully blessed to be in his presence and the next minute
demeaned and cast away, over and over and over again. It was as though I had no
true home or companion in the world. Rooh focused his love for women on his daughter;
his distain for women centered on me.
I wrote
Yogiji in utter desolation:
From:Guruprem Kaur
Khalsa on 07/15/2000 11:28:41 PM
To: Yogi Bhajan Correspondence<yogibhajan@sikhnet.com>
Subject: Carnage Anand
Dear Siri Singh Sahib ji,
Sat Nam dearest beloved one.
On an enjoyable Saturday outing with Rooh Singh and his daughter, I
battled tears all day. Rooh Singh and I had a frank conversation last night,
which I felt you were witness to, where I level-headedly dug-in to his
behaviors, values and dualities. He admitted that he plans to leave me once he
has his green card. That he has no love for me, and feels no connection. He
does not trust he can maintain this charade for the 2-3 years it may take.
It is only Guru's Grace that has kept me from totally losing it. I
know the Guru is with us, all angels around us. But still my life is crumbling,
dream after dream broken. Rooh Singh's admissions came after giving him a
loving foot massage, and speaking kindly of his special love for his daughter.
I despair his outlook, knowing this union is forever. Unless you state
otherwise, I am going to begin speaking truthfully to his immigration lawyers,
dispelling lies woven re Rooh Singh's income, accredited to me, and re his
intentions. It is best he face such immigration problems with his lawyers
rather than the INS.
Please speak with Rooh Singh that his heart may open, or kindly meet
with us, to give clarity and clear the pathway to our future together.
Your loving daughter,
Guruprem Kaur
Yogiji let me suffer,
knowing it was good for me, shaping me to face my destiny. But I did not
appreciate it. It was almost impossible to stay neutral and easy to cry.
Finally, after nearly two
more months of torture had passed, Yogi Bhajan sent me a knowing reply:
From:Yogi Bhajan
To: Guruprem
Sent: Thursday, September 08, 2000 11:51 AM
Subject: Re: Carnage Anand
My dear daughter in Divine,
Sat Nam. I have gratefully received your email. Keep going
and stay neutral. You are working off a lot of karma. This is what marriage
does. You possess great wisdom and power of prayer.
Do not react. Stay in your high consciousness. My prayers
are with you. Keep up and God and Mother Nature will come down from the heavens
to salute you.